Vice City

Now that I am into day two of trying to change my eating habits, I have been thinking a lot about vices. I have a few of them and none are too serious. This is the list I came up with:

1. Coffee--In the past, I have weaned myself to the point that I only had it two or three days a week. But nowadays I am back to my usual 20 ounces a day habit.

2. Lethargy--Today I signed up for Grandma's Marathon. So that should take care of current bout with lethargy. I ran the Twin Cities Marathon in October and that marathon was so very shitty for me. Well it was shitty only if, like me, you wouldn't enjoy bleeding from both nipples and walking a good portion of the last 13 miles in front of thousands of people. So I got a little discouraged, and quit running for awhile. But I am back on the fitness train. But lethargy is a true vice for me, as a cycle in and out of it at least twice a year.

3. Alchohol--Beer is really good. It would be a true vice if I had three beers a night, but that is not the case. But to avoid such a fate, I better err on the side of caution and call it a vice.

4. Rise of Nations--By design, I do not own any game systrems, like Playstation 2 and do not want to even see Everquest being played. I don't think I'd ever leave the house. I only own one computer game, and it is Rise of Nations. A very run of the mill civilization game, and that average game alone can suck up my weekend faster than you can say, "Mike is in the dog house."

That's a pretty short list, and it's happily free of, I don't know, crystal meth, soliciting prostitutes... So right now, I feel pretty good about myself. Of course, that's because I haven't wasted a day with Rise of Nations over the past week.

If I had to give up all vices, but one, coffee would be the one I'd keep. It gives you bad breath, yellow teeth, and can be a real inconvenience. But Caribou Coffee and our local coffee shops, Riverview Coffee and Minnehaha Coffee are so good that it is worth it. I'd go so far as to say that Minnehaha Coffee has the best coffee I've ever had.

No Bullshit

A friend of mine tried this diet out. For those of you who know me, fear not. I am neither anorexic nor do I have body dysmorphia. But I do think I have some snacking and eating habits that do not lead to optimum help. Specifically, second and third helpings at dinner and a sweet tooth bigger than Dallas.

But this no-s approach looks pretty appealing to me.

Check the Cawendar To See What Howiday It Is

Seeing as how over 90% of the people we service at work are white, perhaps it is fitting that we did not get Martin Luther King Day off today. So I had a full schedule of clients.

One of my favorite kids is on my Monday morning schedule. He's six year's old and loves football. Obsessed, in a healthy, non-autistic way, is more like it. I have never met a more knowlegable six year-old when it comes to football. And, as my job dictates, I have met my share of six year-olds.

So this kid comes barreling into my office (he's already the size of a 1960s offensive lineman), as per usual, belting out all the information about the weekend's games that he knows.

"The Steewers beat the Coats 21-18! I know duh Panfers beat duh Bears but I don't know duh score. And dat guy who got shot? He used to pway football too. But not in cowege. Just before dat."

It should be appearant by now that we are working on his "L" articulation. In fact, it is the only sound he has left to work on; his "TH" can wait a few years. So if he could only learn to self-monitor his "L," I can discharge him, which is always bittersweet when the kid is as likeable as this guy.

Likeable or not, when a kid who is working on monitoring his "L" comes in talking like he was, I make him start all over again. Only this time he'd better say "SteeLers" and not "Steewers."

But this time I let it slip, mostly because I couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about at the very end.

"A guy got shot?" I asked.
"Yeah and he used to pway football."
"Pway?"
"Play football."
"That's better." So he can correct his "L." That's a start. Now if I can only figure who got shot.

And then the hamster in my head starts a running and powers the lightbulb in my brain. I slowly put two and two together.

"Wait a second," I say, "Was he shot yesterday or a long time ago?"
"A wong time ago."
"A what."
"A long time ago."
"And is today his birthday?"
"Yup."
"Are you talkking about Martin Luther King?"
"Yeah! Martin Lufer King! He used to pway football."

And I'm shitting you negative the only "L" he marked correctly this entire conversation was the "L" in "Luther." How's that for paying respect to the man?

So now I'm curious. I know the dude loves football. And he's only six. But has he gone so far as to define people as important as Martin Luther King as to whether or not they played football? So I ask, "What else is Martin Luther King known for?"

And then he says, "Mike," in his way that lets me know he knows I'm playing dumb. He knows I know the answer to this question.

"You know what he did. He made it so Bwacks and Whites can go to school togever," he says and looks at me and shakes his head in a way that screams "No duh."

Well that's a Hell of a lot more accurate than he played football before he went to college.

Anyway, there's something to be said for having the perpspective of a six year-old. Jim Crow. Bombingham. The KKK. George Wallace. None of those things are important. In fact they don't even exist. When you're six years-old, what matters isn't the color of a guy's skin, but whether or not he played football at any point in his life.

It's not exactly what Martin Luther King had in mind in his "I Have A Dream" speech, but I as far as I'm concerned, it's pretty damn close.

Better Than Atari

Tonight Emily and I went over to her sister's house to have dinner with Emily's sister, her husband, and their baby. Well, the baby had breast milk. We had food.

Anyway, afterward we played Parchesi, which I haven't played in so long I have no idea if I just spelled it correctly. It was surprisingly fun. It's no chess, but is has more strategy than Yatzee or Go Fish. And seeing as how I play Go Fish over 20 times a week at work, this Parchesi game is mind boggling.

So next time you're at a thrift store, look for the game. You'll get your two dollars worth.

However, when four people play, the game has the half-life of Monopoly. So we couldn't finish the game tonight. Instead, my brother-in-law took a digital picture of the game board, with out hands by our home bases, and the dice by Emily's hand. That way, when we play again, we'll know who's turn it is (Emily's), who is what color, and who has what home base.

Digital cameras. They put a new twist on an old game.